I want feminists, black feminist in particular, to read this and not respond until you have read every sentence.
While I have grown weary of the feminist movement, not because I have grown weary of women's rights nor because I believe in the patriarchal hierarchy in a dominating facet - I have grown tired of the way feminism is expressed these days because we have adopted the mindset of white feminism and someway, somehow there's a narrative and undertone that seems as though black women despise black men now...and that, reeks of whiteness. Mainstream feminism is rooted in centuries of centering white women and their autonomy against white male dominance. Within the past several decades there has been a surge of feminist movements, causes and takeovers in every sector of our society. Theoretically, this could be a good thing. Theoretically, women should be banning together to dismantle male dominance to be able to choose to live and do whatever they please without causing harm to others and have equity in pay, rights and opportunity. However, for black folks - deconstructing male dominance should not equate to despising male presence although somewhere along the way, black feminism totes that line. As I continue on my own journey, I have become more conscious about the words that I speak, therefore I listen more intently to the words spoken around me, especially by black people. In conversations and algorithmic consumption, I have begun to cringe at the way black women are increasingly referring to black men. There tends to be a tone of disgust, disdain, dislike towards brothers and while it is hard to be black in America in general, I've begun to wonder - are we truly at a place where we despise, dislike and have great disdain for each other in the black community as women and men?
The more I ponder the question and witness what is occurring societally to reverse history and restore male dominance, it's becoming very clear to me. Feminism is a white construct black women should be careful aligning with. White women have every right to hate white men from an ideological standpoint. White men walk this earth as if they are the epitome of humanity. Patriarchy is baked in viewing women as subservient and irrelevant outside of pleasurable use for men or creating life, which men who subscribe to toxic masculinity, also believe is serving a need solely for them as well (heirship). Women are less than, incapable and too fragile to live apart from the oversight of masculine domination in the world of patriarchy. In the formation and history of this country, we can trace this ideology and conclude that America, as we know it, is in fact a country founded to appease and uphold white men. So for American women, the feminist movement was indeed an effort for white women to maneuver from up under the thumb of white men. For extreme feminists, white men are indeed their enemy because at the start of the feminist movement, who else was a threat to them, damn sure wasn't black or brown people. So I understand the way white women approach feminism especially from its conception, therefore I understand the reverb of its rhetoric spewed today from that perspective. What is perplexing to me, is how black women have subconsciously regurgitated the same rhetoric, and I am not sure it is truly warranted.
As Americans, our way of living stems from a western civilized construct. While it can be proven, that the west (Europe) received a plethora of knowledge that is applicable to how we live today from the Moors (Africa), for the sake of staying on topic let's proceed with referring to it as - western civilization. Generations of being enslaved, black people watched and learned every aspect of transplant europeans who established a life of wealth and freedom from aristocracy, boasting about all men having the ability to gain wealth regardless of their bloodline or familial background here in the states. So naturally, when freedom was obtained for us, we too followed suit in that pursuit for our own wellbeing and families, because let's be real...if they're American, we're American too through and through. To not dive too deep into the systemic and racial challenges we faced from 1863 to 2025, I will yield to say, whether we were enslaved or free, we are not all the same and do not all share the same thoughts, beliefs or mechanisms about how to succeed or what success is. So, yes, some black men have strong patriarchal beliefs and some black men have strong beliefs in egalitarianism. Therefore, it is safe to say there are many instances it can be proven that black men abuse women, abuse power and lack moral decency in general. It can also be safe to say, statistically, that is not the majority of black men. So black women, if you're not careful you will allow the perception and narratives we often despise and fuels prejudices against us as a people, to influence how we relate to each other in community. Some of you have lived experiences of trauma and abuse by the hands of a black man which should not be taken lightly or dismissed gingerly. I just believe it is our responsibility, to personally heal and see our story as just that. Ours. Not a generalization to be plastered on all. Because when that healing and separation from personal to communal takes place what we will come to realize is that while we are not all the same, in this country we share the commonality of being black in America.
American History shows that black people believe in egalitarianism in some degree innately even if we don't practice it intentionally. At every point of contention on this land for us (which has never ended really), black men and women have led together. To escape slavery before being emancipated, a woman is known to have led men and women to freedom. Harriet Tubman. During the Civil Rights Movement, black men and women marched, fought and led side by side. Fannie Lou Hamer. Ella Baker. Dorothy Heights. Presidential candidate Shirley Chisholm did not win the majority black vote, heavily opposed by the male-dominated (at the time) Congressional Black Caucus but she was a catalyst for change because in 2016 and in 2024 black men were the only group of males who voted in majority for Hillary and Kamala. I am also aware that even during these times many black men held patriarchal views that prevented or stunted a women's leadership even during the civil rights era. I'm not even saying presently, black men aren't contributing to a lot of chaos and disparity in our community. What I am saying is that it is layered and just as we have had the space to forge our identity as black women in this country, as I said in my last blog post, we have to realize and accept that they have not and also allow them the space to autonomously do so without criticizing and vilifying them. It is also our responsibility to not let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. All black men aren't out here doing causing harm. So if you're a woman who loves a black man in any capacity, lean into their elevation and evolution, not their destruction by speaking so candidly about the negatives society tends to hone in on. Our men don't deserve that. Those who choose to allow evil to run rampant in their lives and cause harm to others, don't deserve the energy from healed women. Advocate for the victims and Let those men be. Focus your words, your light, your energy, your effort and your time on those who want better. The black men who love black women. The black men who want to heal. The black men who want to be better everyday. Seriously, let the others' be. It takes maturity and awareness to hold space for people on their journey, and many of us will not be able to do this for each other because we haven't yet done it for ourselves. The few who hear this and feel this, Lean in. We are not each other's enemy and we never have been. The ancestors knew that. The creator knows that as well. The narrative needs to shift. Let's continue to Heal, shall we?
