This is such a hard question, but it's necessary to ask. Why? Because while Black people are indeed in a perpetual cycle of oppression across this entire world, as a Black American woman I can only speak of the American experience from my observation and participation. From my purview, Black American men seem to have been suffering in silence for centuries now and there doesn't seem to be any reprieve. I've grown extremely concerned and sensitive to this over the past few years and have wondered, as the black community, "Are we failing Black Men?" Within our community, Black men die by suicide at a rate more than four times higher than black women. While it is significantly lower than other men, it still warrants the asking, Why and what are we doing about it? The past few years, there's been an ongoing and increasing debate about heterosexual relational dynamics, that lend itself to never-ending finger pointing and ideals that quite honestly, we need to take a deeper look into. The conversation has stirred because while black love is very much so thriving and black marriages are gradually increasing there is still an overwhelming amount of single black men and women who desire to be in partnership or marriage that are in dating hell. The question stands, if the desire is there between so many men and women, what is preventing the commitment to marriage or long-term partnership...why aren't (we) marrying? Aside from the relational dynamics, between black men and women, why are black men and black women not collectively closer in educational, financial and economic statistics?
Periods of reflection can give context and reason. While I don't lean in to "playing victim", systemic oppression is real and relevant and black men specifically have been affected drastically by systemic oppression., I dare say, more so than anyone else. I could lean into the economic points, but I'd rather focus on how systemic oppression has negatively shaped the minds and hearts of black people for centuries and how that too, is by design. Ironically, this "gender war" is evidence of how deep the oppression is and how many are very unaware of how they perpetuate the beliefs we declare we're fighting. Our identity is in crisis. That is why we are in a continuum of communal chaos, cycle wealth loss after one generation of gain, gender wars, cultural distortion, moral impasse and the list can go on.
It is my belief that black men don't truly know who they are. At their core, I believe is an innate ability and desire to be something many of them don't know how to be or are afraid to be, especially in America. America and any form of western civilization has had a primary goal in terms of black people, "Destroy their psyche, erase their memory of anything we haven't taught them; Divide their families; Turn them against one another; Completely immerse them into our religion, our ways, our morals; Give them no option but to do as we say." They have achieved it. But every few decades, we get to a point of possible reckoning within self and then, systemically, a carrot is dangled in our face and offered to us which tends to convince us we're making progress and momentum and focus drifts away. The truth is...From enslavement black men have been stripped of their identity as men and as black men, emotionally stunted and silenced for centuries with no reprieve, emasculated by every species including black women (which was by design as well) and yet still feared greatly by all. During enslavement, by exerting any sense of manhood, black men were brutally beaten, mutilated or killed. During Reconstruction and Progressive era, any progress or advancement made "by the bootstraps" as required, was destroyed with no restitution by jealousy, envy and hatred of white Americans. Just to arrive in the modern era, where rights seem to be available for blacks but not equally. Industrial work "seemed" to be available but one may or may not get paid and if so, definitely not what you were worth or earned. Whatever was earned, one may or may not be able to provide for your family. So the government bamboozled the nation to accept, the man-in-the-house rule that provided assistance to families but would not if an able-bodied man was present in the home and while that was to discourage dependency on the assistance, it seemed to affect the black community (surprisingly) the hardest. We can keep going, because once men were out of the home the allure of drugs, women and underworld life that generated real world money led straight to the prison pipeline that mimics what, slavery.
While every solitary period of American history affected the entirety of the black community, we have to be able to empathize with a struggle not native to our own to possibly save our own. As a woman, I took the liberty to remove womanhood for a second and attempted to look at it from the lens of a black man. Societally, I am not sure there has been a period of time where black men had the opportunity to reclaim their identity. I am not sure there has been a time when black men were able to truly identify as their own and not a replica of whiteness and learned behavior embedded in their psyche for centuries and forced down their throats societally. I am not sure there has been a time when black men were able to truly emote in a masculine yet harmless way without being seen as a threat to not only his woman and children but to the whole of society, because...everyone fears the black man. Hear me clearly, to emote does not equate to abuse although without the tools to do so maturely and intelligently, abuse emotional and physical tends to be the endpoint of said pent up emotions by many men. I am not saying that there has been a time in history where black women were intentionally provided these either, but the difference is as women our emotions are accepted. There's a release woman can express within the community and beyond that is in many ways accepted and understood. That has not been the case and is still not the case for black men. So if we believe in generational trauma, then are we surprised by the state of the black community today? Are we surprised by the disregard youth have for anyone but themselves? Are we surprised by the downfall of prominent men with a history of trauma and abuse they never healed from, continuing the cycle of inflicting pain and hurt on others? Are we surprised that we are more divided than ever before? Are we truly surprised by any of what is transpiring today with our men and young boys. We shouldn't be. Not just because we know it's deep rooted (systemic) and by design (racism) because solely resting on that is simply being a victim and we are beyond that. The more important reason we shouldn't be surprised is because collectively we haven't taken responsibility to hold space and allow black men to reclaim or re-establish their identity. Black women have found a way to coexist in western civilization and reclaim a sense of identity from an emotional, physical and mental space apart from whiteness. Black men deserve to have that same opportunity and it starts with us, collectively. It first starts with Black men individually (it all starts within self), collectively (men to men) and then with black women making space for discovery and evolution without being subject to or having to endure abuse or unnecessary suffering. Healing starts with the individual making a decision. It continues with the expansion of accountability, truth and increased capacity. Everyone isn't going to start or finish the journey, doesn't mean the journey isn't worth it for those who take courage to do so.
Black men - I say to you, there is no doubt why you are feared and revered at the same time. Your physical strength has been enamored by all since the beginning of time so much so it's been used and abused for the sake of building others who could not survive a tenth of what you have been known to endure. Your range of unexpressed or misaligned emotions do not fall flat on those who choose to see. It is time to return to yourself. Quiet the noise of expectation. Quiet the noise of society. Quiet the noise so you can hear your God-given voice within. It's not lost on me and many others that despite the hardships, systemic strategy to absolutely destroy you, you stand and you stay. If we asked the entire world which ethnic gender group of people have it the easiest from a societal standpoint, in unison you'll hear "white men". Yet, white men in Amerikka have the highest suicide rate than all ethnicities, at a 77% rate, black males at a low 8%. You're more than you're allowing yourself to be. Innately you know it, which is why you stay. Internally you fight. You keep going. For what, it appears many of you haven't figured out yet. Take the leap to discover the depths of you, to become the man you and God define. Power is in understanding our roles as men and women are circumstantially interchangeable yet equally valuable in our community. When we return to the cyclical flow of our existence cohesively, we'll heal our community. Take your place.
